Confession number 4: Rules of engagement

During pregnancy, future parents are given a dizzying list of do's and don't's (mostly don't's) that MUST be followed for fear of being deemed unfit and your baby immediately taken away from you until further notice.

1. Don't co-sleep.

• So I don't routinely co-sleep with my son--kinda have the fear of rolling over and smothering him. However, I can understand why some parents do. The occasional times that I have co-slept with my son, typically in the early morning bleary eyed hours where we both fall asleep nursing, I find it comforting. What is better than waking up with the sweet cherub snuggled up at my side? My husband at times finds us spooning as he wakes for work. He feigns jealousy of me sleeping with another man--a rather short bald toothless man...
  

2. Don't use a bumper on the crib.

• First they say use a bumper to prevent little arms and legs from getting stuck. Then, they say bumpers increase the chance of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Soon they'll tell us to not even use a crib--just put the baby on the floor in an empty room.
  

3. Don't let the baby sleep at night in the car seat for fear of never getting used to sleeping on his back.

• Hey-you gotta do what works for you. For us, the car seat has worked wonders. And if he is 18 and still sleeping in his car seat...well, his college roommate can deal with it.

4. Don't give the baby any bottles prior to 3 weeks and definitely never ever give the four letter word (FORMULA) to the baby if you are breastfeeding.

• Whatever dude. Once that vice grip attaches to your nipple, you are begging for just one break. As my pediatrician said, don't be a hero, give the nips a chance to toughen up. When you need it, take that formula break!
  

5. Don't let baby sleep on his/her stomach.

• As with item #2, information and recommendations are constantly changing. My parents were told that sleeping on the stomach was best. Then, my sisters were told side sleeping was best. Now, back is best. Soon, they will recommend contraptions that keep them standing up while sleeping.

6. Don't let baby sleep in his/her own room until he/she is at least 4-6 months of age

• Well, this cramps relations with your partner. Even so, my son is 4 months old now, and I can't imagine him out of the room. There is comfort hearing his nighttime noises right next to me.
  

7. Don't let baby fall asleep in your arms. The baby must learn to fall asleep on his/her own.

• I'm not even going to comment on this.
  

8. Don't shake the baby.

• Here's the thing. You go to these childbirth classes where they make you feel like that when you have the baby you will become an evil psychotic monster. You will no longer be able to control your reactions. You will have the urge to shake your baby. I don't know how many times I had someone say to me...if you get frustrated, put the baby down in a safe place, and walk away for 10-15 minutes. Maybe it's just me and everyone sensed that I might go nuts...
  
• They also make you feel like the slightest bobble of the head will induce Shaken Baby Syndrome. No you really have to violently shake a baby...

9. Don't leave a baby crying for fear of baby not developing trust.

• Ok, so first they tell you to walk away from the baby because you are too nuts to handle him/her. Now they tell you that your baby will never trust you if you leave her crying. I'm seriously confused.
  

10. Don't keep any hard round food around....or really any object close to baby.

• Apparently EVERYTHING is a choking hazard. I find myself panicking as I watch J attempt to fit his whole fist in his mouth...

11. Don't wash the baby's clothes in regular detergent.

• You can ONLY use Dreft. For those who may not be familiar with Dreft, it is the the most overpriced laundry detergent that has completely monopolized the baby detergent industry...It runs approximately $50/gallon. Sometimes Babies R Us will send a 50 cent coupon for it.
  
• If you don't use Dreft, I've heard that your baby might grow an extra arm...or something like that.

12. Don't install you car seat yourself.

• You cannot read directions. You are a complete moron.
• Statistics show that 85% of all car seats are installed incorrectly. Really? 85%? 85% of us cannot read directions or are a complete moron? I wanna know how they came up with this number?
  

13. Do have an escape plan in case of emergency. This escape plan should include escape from a second story and if you have pets, include them in your plan--ie must have a harness and a pulley system to get them to safety.

• Seriously....we were told this in our child safety class. We have yet to work these details out.
  

14. Do provide adequate tummy time or baby will never crawl.

• You know the saying "you have to crawl before you walk"? Well not so much anymore. Since babies spend so much time on their backs, many skip the crawling phase and go straight to walking.
  

Before anyone calls child social services on me, I do follow most of these "rules"--I just found the list a bit overwhelming!! The important point to remember is that as long as you are not putting your baby in harm's way, do what works for you. Especially in the first few months, it is all about survival mode. If the only way baby will sleep is to sleep with you, so be it...if it means sneaking a bottle of formula to baby to give yourself a break, so be it...If doing these things means that it will prevent you from going nuts and shaking your baby...then so be it.